IT'S BEEN A WHILE

It's been several months since I last posted a blog.  So much has been going on that I have barely had time to think. I have been going through so many mixed emotions that I thought maybe writing it all down wouldn't be a bad idea for me or for others who might need to know that they are not alone.

About 6 months ago, I noticed I was having a lot of pain in my spine so I decided to go see a doctor, and try to find out what was going on.  After seeing 3 different doctors and going through a series of tests, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.  For those of you who don't know what that is, here's a definition in layman's terms.  Fibromyalgia is actually more common that I thought, and it causes a person to have chronic, body-wide pain and tenderness that seems to be mostly felt in the muscles, but can also be in the joints and other parts of the body as well.  It can also cause fatigue, sleep problems, headaches, and so much more.  Long story short, this was not the diagnosis I was looking for!! I honestly thought maybe they had tapped my spinal fluid when I had my c-section or maybe I had a bulging disk; I was hoping it was something easily fixed.  Well no such luck. I had my pity party, and sometimes I still have bad days, but I am trying my best to look on the bright side.  We are in the process of playing around with my medications a little so that I can find some relief.  I have two beautiful children, and the last thing I want is for them to remember their mommy always being in pain.

Along with the new diagnosis came lots of expensive meds, and it couldn't have come at a worse time.  My husband's job has what they call "standby" days which is basically a nice word for "we're giving you the day off, and you're not getting paid." Everyone's name is put into rotation so that each employee has the same number of standby days, but they have been coming around pretty quickly.  My husband started averaging 4 standby days a month, which meant we were losing around $1200 a month.  Now I do pretty well with my jewelry business, and I'm able to supplement my previous full time income, but I am not at the level yet of being able to supplement two full time incomes (even though I do believe I will get there one day)! Another long story short, we are downsizing and moving into a smaller place in December.  This house was my dream house, and I was perfectly content with us raising our family and growing old here.  It's definitely bittersweet to watch it go, but I know that God has a plan, and I pray we will be happy in our new place. 

It has been a devastating couple of months, and I feel like everything I know has changed; my health, my home, our entire situation....completely different.  I have written all of this to tell you how I am trying to find strength, and maybe my story can help you to find strength in hard times.  I have always relied on my faith in God most of my life, but as I'm growing older and since I've joined Premier, I'm finding that my faith is stronger than ever before.  I have a stronger knowledge of God and His blessings, and I am more open to hearing His words.  As I was on the way to a jewelry party this weekend, I was listening to songs on my phone (on shuffle), and the song Fall Into Me by Sugarland came on.  Now, I've heard this song a thousand times, and NEVER has it had the effect on me it did this weekend.  I instantly had chill bumps, and a flood of warmth came over me, and I began to cry...out of nowhere.  As I listened to the lyrics of the song, it seemed as if I was hearing them from God's mouth, and I felt like He was wrapping His arms around me and said, "Everything will be alright, if you just lean on me."  The words of the song say, "Fall into me.  My arms are open wide; you don't have to say a word.  Cuz I already see, that it's hard, and you're scared, and you're tired, and it hurts, but I wanna be the ONE YOU REACH FOR FIRST!!" How powerful is that?!?!  We all know that God is omniscient.  He knows our burdens, our fears, our doubts and our dreams, but how often do we go on trying to bear it all on our own.  All He asks us to do as His children is let Him carry our burdens; let Him control our destiny.  Too often we go on believing that we are the ones in control, but we should know better.  God had a plan for our lives before we were even placed on this earth.  I'm not sure what He has planned for me, but I know that as His child, I am going to really make an effort to trust in Him, and know that He will not give me more than I can handle.  If you are going through any hardships, please place your trust in God.  If you've never known God or you haven't spoken to Him in a while, please just take the time to bow your head and pray.  God already knows our hearts, and all He asks is for us to lay our burdens on Him, and allow Him to carry us the rest of the way!!